My best day's imagination torqued on angel dust pales in comparison with this unbelievable vignette on Obamawitz World . This kind of material just can't be created.
It all started earlier this week when someone emailed in that there's a new Newell group in town called Cougars for Newell. And then today, I read this and my jaw drops. I mean you have to wonder what is this Newell guy thinking? Talk about tin-eared insensitivity. Or a staggering capacity for human manipulation and hypocrisy. Probably all three.
But I get ahead of myself.
My education in these things started earlier in the week, when I honestly didn't know what a human cougar was, so much as how they came about endorsing a tool like Obamawitz. So like all unacculturated shut-ins I typed 'cougar' into wikipedia. Here's what I got, with the mental health professionals getting first whack on Newell's new friends:
Factors leading into a search for a younger individual with whom to share an intimate relationship can vary wildly. A common perception is that younger mates serve the purpose of a "trophy", or object of status.
Many psychologists study the phenomenon of age disparity, and have observed certain extremes of this behavior.
- Chronophilia is a general term, applied to any age-related preference.
- Ephebophilia is the attraction of older individuals to adolescents.
- Infantophilia is the attraction of older individuals to small children (ages ranging from 0 to 5).
- Pedophilia is the attraction of older individuals to pre-adolescents.
- Gerontophilia is the attraction of non-elderly individuals to the elderly.
Must be great to have neighbors like the Gerontophiliacs. Must also be great to be in the same zoo as the chickenhawks:
A number of slang terms exist to describe pairings in which one individual is much older than the other:
- Boy toy or toy boy is slang referring to a much younger boyfriend or husband of an older woman.
- Chickenhawk describes an older gay man who sexually pursues younger males, i.e. "twinks"/"chickens" or underage boys. The term was used as the name of a television documentary on the subject of NAMBLA.[citation needed]
- Cougar refers to an older woman, usually in her 40s-60s[11] who sexually pursues younger men in their 20s or early 30s. Term used by TV series 30 Rock (episode "Cougars"), How I Met Your Mother (episode "Aldrin Justice"), Two and a Half Men (episode "Waiting for the Right Snapper"), Supernatural (episode "Red Sky at Morning"), the NBC reality TV show Age of Love, CBC's jPod, and One Tree Hill.
So, thusly enlightened, this idiotic political poster (inset)--sitting at the entrance to Newell's blog--then begins to make sense. Because evidentially, not only is there a club for this kind of thing with charts and graphs, but it's now making political endorsements which are incubated and disseminated by Newell's campaign brainiac, Evan The Campaign Brainiac.
Parenthetically, is
it me, or does the 'leg' in their promo artwork look like a side of Angus beef? BTW, if you click on the graphic you get an Obamaputz pop-up ad. Kinda. (These people have so much class.)
I'm also thinking here, isn't there a neologism for older men objectifying and then sexually-obsessing over younger women? Why, sure there is, they're called "Steamrollers."
Nonetheless, the Cougars of America say this about their candidate:"We the Cougars of America would like to endorse Paul Newell for New York State Assembly. We think he's just what we need in our government, a good lookin' young, single, and bold (bald) progressive. Not only is he the Bialystock of the Bowery, Paul has the right kind of touch (caress) and nearsighted vision that will bring a wave of fresh idea to Albany. It is time for change."
Right. Time for change. From the hyper-sexed maw of a reform-minded pack (den?) of 'Cougars.' Send these people straight over to the Brennan Center for Social Justice. They can co-author reports on dysfunctional things.
I suppose if the gene pool selection committee were less merit-based, Cougar-endorsed Newell might some day have a young-man of son he'd offer up to have "caressed" by some fleshy-legged, horned-up cougar (I'm actually wincing here at this imagery, it's almost as bad as unprotected sex in black socks). But probably worse, Newell's son would only end up traumatically embarrassed and irretrievably alienated by his father's public plunge into political debauchery. But it isn't, the selection committee, that is. So no need for any of us to worry on that account.
But think about it, a Spitzer group. Call it "Steamrollers In Nirvana for Newell." Or just, "SINN." That way, Newell could capture the rich diversity of the Sexual Objectification and Deviation Movement. Or just, "SODM."
This could work, Obamawitzers. Really.
