You ever seen a movie called "A Simple Plan?" I thought it was by the Coen brothers but it's not. Anyway, two guys find several millions in a downed airplane, devise a really simple and stupid-proof plan to process their found-money, then proceed to just magnificently butcher the plan, via fundamental character defect and instinctual idiocy, and thus wind up killing people.
That's kind of like the Times' simple plan to take out Shelly Silver with a bumbling cast of Paul Newell, Elizabeth Crothers, a tough-cookie lawyer named Hillary, and an extra named Ana. The thing was/is so comprehensively bungled one can't not think of these jeaniuses. [You working with Darren on this one, Danny?]
It was all set, folks, just like the Steamroller plan. All they had to do was exercises some common sense. But they just couldn't. More specifically, Newell couldn't not be a double-and triple crossing political imbecile,. Liz couldn't not be manipulative GOP operator, tough-cookie lawyer Hillary couldn't not over-bloviate, and extra Ana couldn't not blow her coda. And Danny and the Times couldn't not leave their fingerprints all over the whole thing.
Their plan should have worked.
Anyhow, Danny sets the whole thing off with this foreboding riff:
Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver, facing his first primary challenge in more than two decades, has a new and potentially haunting problem: Two women who have said they were sexually assaulted by a former top aide to Mr. Silver have stepped forward in an attempt to defeat him.
A new and potentially haunting problem. So far, so good. We shudder. You should too. (That the thing is actually several years old matters not. This is a plan, folks, not a history lesson).
Now enter beneficiary Newell:
Criticism of how Mr. Silver handled the accusations brought by the women has followed him since the allegations arose in 2001 and 2003. Both women, who were legislative aides in their 20s when they said the assaults occurred, are actively recruiting supporters for Paul Newell, a 33-year-old community activist who is one of two Democrats in Lower Manhattan making long-shot bids to oust one of the most powerful Democrats in the state.
Good work, Danny, working him in the second graph. That the third guy is named Luke Henry don't matter. He ain't in the plan.
Then Danny sets the high stakes and why you should be enraptured:
Jane Doe has donated to the Newell campaign and has urged friends in an e-mail message to do so, according to both Ms. Crothers and Mr. Newell. Ms. Crothers’ support for Mr. Newell was first reported by The Daily News.
The support of the two women for Mr. Newell is likely to rekindle debate about one of the darkest chapters in Mr. Silver’s career and resurrect talk of the recurring problems with sexual harassment in Albany.
Resurrection, dark chapters, rekindling, give money, Mr. Newell. Let's take down Silver. So far so good. Indirect but straight to the point. No one would ever suspect.
Then things start going haywire. Danny and the Times just don't do their homework. Nor think that anyone else is going to do it for them. Nor believe bloggers exist. Case that proves the nonexception:
“I’ve never seen someone so willing to compromise other people’s lives and well-beings just to suit even a fairly small political goal,” Ms. Crothers said in an interview.
But NGD finds (within all of thirty-seconds) that Ms. Crothers ex-boss (and self-described political mentor) and x-Senator and x-Assemblyman and x-gubernatorial candidate and x-politician and x-Silver-agitator, is none other than Patrick Manning, (Wikipedia calls him: "former American politician"). He's a former American politician because he gets nailed cold for political espionaging fellow Republicans trying to "pretext" some results out of some polling firm. Talk about "fairly small" things and ever seeing "someone so willing." Does Danny know if Liz is involved here in these things and others? We suspect not. Because we suspect Liz, as observant Manning-protege, is playing Danny from the get-go to take down Silver first, and thus present his scalp as her own to her GOP clients (and future clients.) Besides, what Danny don't know won't hurt him. But Liz, much like the Times Corporation, doesn't think that bloggers or Google (or email) exist yet.
Danny, of course, maybe doesn't tell us about x-politician Pat and baggage, only that Crothers worked for a "Republican assemblyman" to ingratiate himself with upper-management. So, bang up job, Danny! Maybe they'll reward you by assigning you to cover their kick-ass balance sheet next. But seriously, Danny, Liz's play isn't hard stuff to figure out. All it takes is a computer and Google. The Times gives you guys computers, right? But here's a tip for your next go-round with Liz: You got access to Lexis-Nexis and you own her, Danny.
Next to stick her large head into her ass is tough-cookie laywer/lawsuit businessperson, Hillary Richard:
Hillary Richard, a Manhattan lawyer who represented Jane Doe in her lawsuit against Mr. Silver, also said she planned to donate to Mr. Newell’s campaign.
“I didn’t think his performance in any way, shape or form with either Elizabeth or my client’s sexual assaults in the Assembly was anything to be proud of, and I’m shocked he’s still in a position of authority,” Ms. Richard said, referring to Mr. Silver.
Quite frankly, Ms. Richard would you be shocked if some of the money you donate to Mr. Newell's campaign gets kinda detoured to knife-wielding woman-terrorizing exhibit number two, Kevin Powell (in any way shape or form)? Would you be as proud of Mr. Powell's self-described "pimping," Ms. Richard?
Which leads us to "friend" Ana Hunter:
Anna Hunter, a friend of Ms. Crothers and a former aide to Senator Eric Schneiderman, a Manhattan Democrat, said she had also donated to Mr. Newell’s campaign.
“Hearing from her how it went with Silver was maddening,” she said, adding that the subsequent episode involving Jane Doe made her “just livid.”
Ms. Hunter said, however, that her support for Mr. Newell had more to do with her frustration at the situation in Albany.
“I see Silver as the last holdout for the old ways in Albany,” she said. “The vast majority of New Yorkers don’t know how bad it is.”
Although an extra, Ms. Ana is clearly miscast here by Danny and the Times. And that probably reflects the resounding echo of their piece. Like Ana the livid extra, it literally screams "MADDENINGLY INANE BOILERPLATE." Ana the extra's take on things is about as fetching and seminal as a Garden Weasel infomercial. And she doesn't even approximate credibility because "a former aide to Senator Eric Schneiderman" doesn't know shit from clay when it comes to "the old ways in Albany." Or the new ways in Albany. Or the way to Albany. Livid Ana, NGD readers, is/was about as involved in the old ways of Albany, as was/is our spiritual adviser and chief strategist, Mr. Tee (seen posing with Mr. Newell).
Moreover, Ana the livid extra, keep in mind, gave money to Mr. Newell under her own volition, that abject Darwinian meltdown alone should have permanently disqualified her from any role in anybody's plan--including Rich and Darren's. That Mr. Newell turned around and gave some of Ms. Ana's money to Mr. Powell is almost inconsequential. But then again maybe that's why Ana's the extra.
In the final analysis, as plans go, this was a pretty simple one, that on paper should have worked. But Danny, Liz and Newell--just like Eliot, Rich and Darren--just couldn't get the thing done.
But talk about Danny's haunting scenarios fraught with unrelenting dark chapters of foreboding uncertainty, wait until more facts come out of this can of worms these clowns have opened up.
But by that time maybe Danny, Liz, Newell and the Times can come up with another simple plan to make Google and the rest of The Internets stop working.
